What is Self–Confidence?

We promote martial arts as way of building self-confidence but what is self-confidence? Where does it come from? Are some of us born with it or is it learned? Do we confuse ego with confidence? Ego really comes from fear, from a need to hide because it masks a profound lack of self-worth. I recently had this discussion with a friend; they felt that showing any true feelings was somehow a sign of weakness. I tried to show them that confronting ones insecurities and being honest with one self is actually a sign of courage. Courage is the ability to vulnerable in front of others and from this power of vulnerability, comes the confidence to be your true self.

Some people find confidence or courage with alcohol, some from a gun. This is defiantly the case when self-appointed vigilantes patrol the streets in a need to control their environment, when really they are just scared with their feelings of lack of control and their own insecurities. Infantile gun fantasies take over the rational mind and they find themselves confronted with the realities that they sought out to create. By that time it’s too late before tragedy occurs. The comparison to recent events should seem obvious. My insightful brother pointed out to me that; “We are the architects of our own realities and sadly, our own miseries”.

The gun makes them feel strong and important but that feeling of superiority comes from the gun, not within. It's a completely external confidence because inside, they really are scared little children. I never understood this until I started studying Kung Fu. Chinese martial makes one go within and find that confidence inside of you. Not that you have the power to beat someone up but that you’re confronted for the first time with your own weaknesses and become more self-aware, as well as compassionate toward the self. That compassion then is extended towards others and is the foundation of self confidence.